


I Pray The Lord My Soul to Take

by winter_scldier



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Betrayal, Depression, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-09-03 17:38:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8722993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winter_scldier/pseuds/winter_scldier
Summary: "You took everything from me that day, and now I'm taking everything from you."





	1. Thessalonians 4:13

_I had no control that day. Him and his safety was the only thing I cared about. He was hurt, I had to get him out of there. It was only unfortunate timing that lead to the incident. I was so full of rage and hatred, that I found I had the strength of a god. And somehow, I ended up fatally striking Loki, Brother of Thor, in the chest._

_I remember the screaming as I scooped up Steve's limp body, and dashing away. I remember not looking back as Thor dropped to his knees beside his brother, and called upon his father to save him. But Odin never came. Loki later died of his injuries in Asgard, and I often think to myself, "Why? Why did I not stay and help? I could've saved him."_

_I know Thor is after me. The signs are all there. I haven't seen the sun and weeks, my days are filled with storms. I haven't had the heart to tell Steve what I've done. I'm afraid it'll only make things worse. So sometimes we sit together on the couch, listening to the thunder boom and the subtle sound of raindrops hitting the window sill. He says he gets nervous sometimes, that the rain will never stop. That we'll be stuck in a perpetual thunderstorm until the wold seems to break apart. I just don't know how to tell him he's right._


	2. 2 Corinthians 4:18

I remember the day everything changed for the worse. There was a terrible earthquake, and a noise so deafening we had to cover our ears. I quickly turned on the tv, and I felt the tears pour from my eyes onto my lap. _He was back._

Steve asked me what was wrong, and I had to brush it off like it was nothing. I wanted nothing more than to tell him, to explain what I had done, but I couldn't. I had made so many mistakes, and now both of us had to pay. 

There was talk that he was trying to hunt me down, trying to kill me. I tried to convince myself I did it for the greater good, but it never was. My own selfish needs and desires robbed someone of their life. Robbed a son from his father, and a brother from his family. I would cry myself to sleep silently every night, praying that I would survive another day. I would refuse to leave, and for awhile I would practically force Steve to stay with me at all times. 

But it all changed again on a Tuesday morning. He had awoken before me, and left a note saying he had gone to the store for groceries. Ten a.m. rolled around, and he hadn't returned. Then came noon, and two, and four. I had the phone in my hand, 911 already dialed, when I received a call from Steve's number. 

"I have him," the voice said. "You have two hours. If you ever want to see your precious friend again, you know where I am."

The speaker hung up, and I fell to my knees. Thor had Steve. My all, my everything. I had two hours to get to him. I didn't have a moment to lose.


	3. Revelations 14:13

_The grass was brown and dying. The air was brisk, and snow was starting to fall. At this point, I can't remember why the battle even started. But I couldn't stand any longer to watch from afar, and a god towered over him, calm white snow falling into the blood covered ground._

_As the snow turned red, I screamed. I ran. I ran with so much agony and fury, that I picked up the shield. I turned, and with all my strength, thrust it into Loki's chest._

_His color faded quickly, and he collapsed, blood pouring out of the fresh wound. I heard Thor collapse by his side. I heard him pray, I heard him weep. I heard him swear his revenge. I heard him say that I would pay for what I had done._

_And here I was._

I never thought I would have to see that field again. I never thought I would have to look at the Asgardian runes that were scorched into the ground, that hadn't even started to fade. I never thought I would have to deal with Steve covered in blood, and begging for mercy beneath the feet of a god. 

For the first time in decades, I fell to my knees, and prayed. 

I heard Thor laugh in front of me. It was laugh so evil, so menacing, it was almost as if Satan was there himself. 

"So how should we do this Barnes?" Should I just kill you both? End it all right now? Or should I make you suffer?" He spat, kicking Steve hard in the side. I watched him cough up blood. I heard him whisper to me;

**"What the hell did you do?"**

I glanced at him. There was sadness, confusion, and agony in his eyes, and I think he saw the same in me. I stood up from my kneeling position, and looked Thor straight in the eye, trying to hide my quivering voice. 

"I never meant any of this to happen. I never meant for him to die! So please Thor...I'm so sorry...just please leave Steve out of this...he's done you no wrong..."

He laughed. 

"No," he spat. I felt my whole body collapse on the ground, invisible chains holding me down. I heard Steve gag and gasp for air, and then I saw Thor with a strong hand around his neck. 

**"Please!"** I screamed. I screamed, I begged for him to stop. But he didn't listen. I watched in horror as Steve stopped struggling, and Thor dropping his dead body to the ground. He came over to me, Loki's spear in hand and he smiled. 

"Welcome James, to a world without the one person you cared about the most."

He lifted the spear up, and there was suddenly an awful pain in my stomach. He fled back to Asgard leaving me there to suffer. 

Steve was dead, and all I could look at was his lifeless body, slowly being covered by the freshly fallen snow. I tried to cry out, but it was no use. We were alone. _I_ was alone. And I sat there for hours, until all around me turned black. The snow covered us, and suddenly it wasn't cold anymore. The wind stopped howling, and all I could see, was black.


End file.
